Gratitude and Memories - By Natalie Kelley Lueders

Granddad & Natalie

I awoke around 2am PST this morning and just could not go back to sleep. I wandered outside to take a look at the stars over the Pacific Ocean, hoping to see Saturn and Jupiter as they come close to the "Great Convergence" otherwise known as the Star of Bethlehem. I had time to be still, quietly by myself, and began reflecting on the last year, 2020. This is a pandemic year none of us will forget. A year, I feel, that has been filled with a true calling to see through rose colored glasses in order to pick out the positives when it has been so easy to focus on the challenges, the negatives and the sadness experienced by so many, including our family.

Last night (12/19), I FaceTimed with my Dad, Aunt Kay, & Mimi for a little bit. Even though we were 100s of miles away, we were both baking and making things in the kitchen at the same time. Granddad was already asleep. I asked Dad how he was doing and he shared that he was in a "different place" than just a few weeks ago. I asked him to call me in the morning so I could say hello and see him. Little did I know that would not be possible.

After finally getting a few more hours of sleep, Dave woke me up sharing I needed to call my dad. It was Granddad. He had passed. If possible my heart sank and rejoiced at the same time.

We lost such a strong man, such a loving grandfather, a role model for living in Faith is devestating. On the other hand, I can't help but imagine him already in heaven, being embraced by our Heavenly Father and King. What a sweet, sweet, sweet place that must be compared to the bed he was laying in for the last few weeks. I picture him with that big contagious smile on his face, a twinkle in his eye and playing golf on the most gorgeous course ever. I picture him looking down from the heavens with deep gratitude and love for all of those who selflessly spent countless days and nights taking care of him. I picture him standing tall, with no pain, and with joy abounding. I continue to tell myself what a GIFT it has been to have a grandfather for 40 years - a grandfather who lived 95 years. I have so much gratitude that my children, 10 and 7 years old, have had a great grandfather who loved them dearly.

I overflow with thanksgiving that God orchestrated the perfect logistics during the move for our family from Virginia to California this November. Even with COVID, a year when many cannot see their loved ones, I was able to spend quality time with Mimi & Granddad in Heber Springs. The four of us drove down from Vienna, VA directly to Heber Springs, AR instead of flying the Saturday before Thanksgiving. Grant and Leigh spent time doing science experiments, crossword puzzles and baking with Mimi.They got to give hugs and share their love with granddad, too. Granddad was still mostly present in mind, able to recognize me, and able to share memories with me and me with him, I got to see that twinkle in his eye and his smile so fervent and bright when he recognized me.

These are not my main memories with my granddad, but rather my final memories. I was able to sit by his bedside, rub his shoulders, and share smiles as we shared timeless memories. I cannot ask for anything sweeter to hold in my heart and mind.

I will truly miss my granddad. I love him so much and he taught me so much about life, loyalty, faith and positivity. He loved our family deeply.

Grandad's 90th Birthday Party

Below are my photos from when Grant was a newborn through our most recent trips. I look forward to returning home to find old photos, taken and printed the slow way, to take me down memory lane once again.